HELP
how can I help
I'm so feeble
my sadness interferes
in its nagging wheedle
I look around
and pray for those
who ask for love
in their wilting pose
sometimes I laugh
which I know is cruel
but feel inept
a token jewel
sometimes anger
at me is directed
and I die in hope
my strength infected
wallowing in question
my direction has gone
a feeling of hopelessness
without a dawn
is there a way
to spread my passion
and belief in my heart
that there is a ration
that gives a smile
to others of need
so they pick themselves up
and follow a creed
that gives their blood
a spiritual flow
and gives their eyes
a silver glow
it is up to them
a sad reality
but I want to help
to escape banality
the air is open
for a song of joy
I hope the voices are found
for us all to employ
DeaBeePea 5-26-18
Searching
those wonderful nights
when I cry
feeling inside
the tears that won't die
listening to music
flooding my dreams
and thinking of lost love
those disappearing streams
I feel sad
but my heart still sings
doubt's shadow arises
before morning rings
I don't care much
about death or life
but I enjoy my pain
and it's challenging strife
my steps uncertain
but I want to run
to a whole new place
between moon and sun
wiping tears won't help
I will let them tickle
my puffy cheeks
and mouth so fickle
my curiosity is numb
but it still fights on
with meager victories
with a search for dawn
love seems weak
for an unknown reason
as my devotion struggles
to find a season
but I hang on to hope
and litter my thoughts
with silly lines
and infinite dots
that lead to infinity
and encircle my corpse
that flutters in the wind
as my morals warp
I have to fight
and look at dignity
and encourage my brothers
to spurn malignity
I know I will wake
and smile at faith
finding strength
in spiritual wraith
and love will return
in its life-saving light
feeding my spirit
and making it bright
sorrow will never pass
but it will fade for now
and be a part of me
in an echoing bow
it makes me whole
and gives me a vision
and deep understanding
of fear and excision
so if I hold your hand
I will love tomorrow
and think of you all
and the passions we borrow
DeaBeePea 5-26-18
Busy
10:00 A.M. and 11:00
3:00 P.M. and 7:00
To bed a bit late
But the day was great
A wee bit busy
But it’s all voluntary
So no complaints
About certain constraints
An occasional hassle
So I have to speak out
Don’t push it buddy
I can be ruddy
But a time will come
At least I hope
A crack in the wall
When I can have a ball
But I don’t mind this
It’s fascinating stuff
Lots of cool friends
And elbows to bend
So I won’t complain
But might whine a bit
When I get over-tired
In my attempt to be inspired
My calendar is full
But there a few spaces
A few months from now
When I stop asking HOW?
DeaBeePea 5-25-18
The Connection
Finding joy
When lost in sadness
Looking for the light
Through misty madness
Where is it
Is it not the season
To form a smile
Is there no reason?
My laugh is hollow
And heart is quiet
There is no beat
And no loveful diet
Tears don’t matter
They can be joyful too
But they seem to hurt
Away the sweetness blew
There are miracles
Yes, they are all around
But my head is down
And I hear no sound
Except a drone
Without a thud
There is no end
A muddy flood
Colourless thoughts
With no emotion
Flat and bare
not even commotion
where is the stir
and riotous complaints
demanding revolution
cutting restraints
I will have to jolt myself
And reawaken
My job isn’t done
My hopelessness mistaken
But at least I’m aware, of this
Current wallow
So I must take breakfast
With a sugary swallow
DeaBeePea 5-26-18
Recovery
out of the hole
that we sometimes visit
is peaceful time
and also exquisite
seeing hope
for a brand new time
laughing at oneself
for that rather weird chime
a bell that rings
with nagging clang
testing your patience
with a song you once sang
it never goes away
but you forget the words
and find a ladder
that points to the birds
that sing a song
that is much more cheerful
and makes you brave
in a way less fearful
you are a universe
a world of your own
but you are also an us
in your loving zone
and that is where
you want to be
because there is so much joy
in this skybound tree
DeaBeePea 5-27-18
Sock 1
Mary Lou and Bev
In their sexy socks
Stripes, of a horizontal persuasion
If only they could talk!
Yes, they are very cheery
A metaphor of the wearers
And reminiscent of their youth
As little holy terrors
DeaBeePea 5-29-18
Sock 2
One thing about summer
I don’t have to wear socks
Letting the air between my toes
Through the holes in my lime green crocs
DeaBeePea 5-29-18
Sock 3
I wake up each morning
And look down to the floor
And see my socks from yesterday
And maybe even from the day before
So, I do a sniff test
To decide which pair to wear
And sometimes the ones I have chosen
Are a holey unmatched pair
DeaBeePea 5-29-18
Socks 4
Why do I buy cheap socks
From the Giant Tiger store
When I know they won’t last
I should really be paying more
If my toe nails aren’t trimmed
The process is even accelerated
So maybe I should try Sunspel Cotton Donegals
So my socks will no longer be berated
DeaBeePea 5-29-18
Socks 5
My top drawer of underwear and socks
Of McGregors and Fruit of the Loom
An interesting selection
With a story of ultimate doom
The sock total is forty-three
A bad number right away
But that’s not all my friends
There is much more here at play
Twenty-three have no mate
Hence the number of pairs is ten
And when I unravel them
It might even be worse again
DeaBeePea 5-29-18
Gathering
Her ideas for a book were gatherable
She was a gatherer of mystical thought
Now here publication has been gathered
By the publishers that she fought
It was a story of a famous gathering
Of wool-gatherers that she once knew
Whose lives began to ungather
As the wild Irish winds blew
Their leader Ian Gatherby
Knew they had to regather
And had to escape the tollgatherer
Who spoke in silly blather
Then they suddenly forgathered
A man of influence and wealth
And he led them to a castle
With quiet and artful stealth
We must start anew he said
And pregather a crew in union
Joining our hands in gather
Forming a strong communion
Well I have summarized this entity
A gathering of historical slather
And I certainly hope, your thoughts to gather
You read… a best-seller, I gather
DeaBeePea 5-30-18
Child Play?
a Canadian and American
a tooth for a tooth
playing with fire
in this stupid mire
ego and conceit
and playing games
immoral and illegal
so falsely regal
this crap is serious
many are hurt
forgetting about history
it is no mystery
retaliation and anger
the water has broke
autonomy and control
the elimination of soul
reckless and ironic
as the flag-wavers are punished
wallowing in security
of lies and impurity
a collapse of faith
if it hasn't already
shaking our heads
in hopeless threads
trading and posturing
and we're the pawns
watching this sideshow
as the future dawns
not an early light, I say
more like darkness
a pathetic reality
a childish duality
DeaBeePea 6-1-18
Repair
Is this a fix?
I tend to believe so
We’ve been fooled again
With disaster in tow
But to repair is unlikely
We must start anew
Blast the structure
With a brand new crew
But when we build
It must be from bottom
Spreading the wealth
That was previously not ‘em
And scan the horizon
And see success
In places of sanity
For future to bless
The capitalist greed
Has trickled down
Not the money
With the face of a clown
The answer lies
between the cracks
Where ethical and moral
Behavior quacks
Loud and resounding
Our voice must be heard
Because this current trend
Is hopelessly absurd
DeaBeePea 6-4-18
REALLY?
I have never been seen
Nor will I ever
As invisible
As a crystal jelly sheen
Unknown to all
In humorous quackery
Dipping my head
In a black-water ball
Laughing and crying
At the same time
Dancing naked
To heaven’s sighing
Thinking alternatives
Not always acceptable
Cringing at myself
For my perturbatives
Will I ever be dusty?
My silhouette seen
So all those alive
Will find out I am fusty
Maybe I should scream
And bare all to you
And be seen in reality
Without any seams
And all my fears shall be redeemed
And heads will nod
Not that scary after all
As my gusty nights dreamed
Not a serious being
But one with love
As a part of humanity
A universal speck of seeing
DeaBeePea 6-9-18
Brown
considered plain
but very vital
'cause if it's black
I'll send it back
burnt sienna
and cocoa brown
are an artists essence
without fluorescence
umber has variants
and kobicha dyes
russet has a citrusy flair
while peru is so fair
so to be bored by brown
and its earthy connotation
is quite simply wrong
despite its implied smell so strong
There's desert sand of Aztec hue
and khaki of historical stew
while buff almost takes us to yellow
joining tan in mellow
so those who don't like chestnut
quite simply brown me off
and if they try to pamper me
I'll punch their brown-nose and flee
not only that
you can make it two ways
one includes red
and the other uses orange and black instead
I find it calm
and environmentally connected
a partner of green
in the landscape scene
the shade names not standardized
making it a naming game
which is lots of fun
and even good for a pun
like saying I'm a leather buff
is pretty corny
and calling someone Rosy Brown
with a deadpan frown
but after all is said
and done
I am very fond of smokey topaz
and its crystallized razzmatazz
DeaBeePea 6-18-18
Heading Out
It is that time
to head out
food and wine
for me to dine
but I'd better
be careful
because as I walk
I seldom balk
Gee, I could use that
I like that too
pretty cool
I like it in blue
and that book, oh my
I've never read it
I hear it's good
not needing edit
and that fish is on sale
I will have that tonight
and maybe some asparagus
it looks just right
and what the heck
another bottle
after all, wine keeps
and opens the throttle
as I zip around
my knapsack getting full
my back is hurting
Man, all this push and pull
it is a steep hill
I need some water
I also some paper
for a forehead blotter
and as I pass
the coffee shop
I'll get some coffee
and take a flop
there's more places ahead
how much have I spent
I'd better stop
if I want to pay the rent!
DeaBeePea 7-6-18
Instant Pot
I now have an Instant Pot
will I use it?
or is it just decoration
and will I abuse it?
the booklet is bad
written in "misunderstand"
some foreign language
I might as well
despite my stupidity
as I slap my thigh
It stands very proud
big and round
taking up counter-space
as I wait for a sound
a new adventure
if you call it that
a 6 qt. tease
with a round black hat
DeaBeePea 7-6-18
The "Great" War
so full of irony
that fateful walk
from peace to death
from elitist talk
"I do not want my son
to be a soldier"
a cry of sanity
nothing bolder
but the Western Front
was beckoning
while we awaited
our reckoning
stumbling over wire
gassed to madness
holding brothers
a brand new sadness
a confusing why
we are all one
why is this happening
under the blackened sun
heroes were born
from this evil path
and some and home
were drowned in wrath
a hundred years later
we still remember
what went on
till that cold November
we seldom learn
from tragic errors
and shake our heads
at holy terror
we must rid of fear
our stabbing enemy
scraping our souls
like living emery
it is unlikely
that I will see the light
in my short time here
in futile fight
but I pray my children
will see a new place
touching each other
with gentle face
DeaBeePea 7-6-18
Cool
how cool
oxygenated air
my sliding door open
to all that is fair
light breeze blowing
the sun's happy smile
leafing through pages
of my time and its style
unplanned in its chaos
frittering in segments
writing chronically
making little sense
but it's fresher now
the thoughts and hope
more joyous and unrestrained
with a wider scope
so I can view myself
as something cool
contrary to popular belief
as I satirically fool
breathing in
and breathing out
there is contentment
no need to shout
I feel like embracing
all my friends
but of course, that is my
so often penned
DeaBeePea 7-6-18
Discipline
discipline
is about writing about beer
and not drinking it
writing about sex
and not having it
writing about food
and dieting
writing about traveling
and not moving an inch
writing about wishes
without a penny in my pocket
writing about love
without shedding a tear
writing about God
and not asking for miracles
writing about hope
and not giving up
writing about writing
without being verbose
writing about fresh air
without going outside
and writing about myself
without laughing too loud.
DeaBee Pea 7-4-18
Jazz 1
Jazz
there is nothing like jazz
especially bebop
but has endless history
in its syncopated hop
the dixieland two-beat
of New Orleans style
with the marching bands
that played for miles
the first recordings
by a band that was named
somewhat with gall
eminence was aimed
but as time when on
the negro was enchanted
with riverboat dreams
and jazz was planted
the King and Satchmo
and a man named Buddy
echoing the pain
of a world so ruddy
the path they followed
to those Mississippi towns
branches of hope
on all-night rounds
Kansas City and Chicago
those simmering pans
frying up the heat
with rhythmic hands
blues and swing
became good friends
in Pendergast joints
of profiting amends
the Midwest sound
was bouncy and loud
with Moten and Basie
inspiring the crowd
Armstrong was there
with his special sound
that awakened those
who wanted to expound
a personal style
that sold the image
and started the screams
of an impassioned scrimmage
and in quiet Davenport
was a man named Bix
and his Wolverines
on a touring fix
it was hard to establish
a livable foundation
in an attempt to live
on a drinking flirtation
everything coalesced
in this explosive art
as New York and Paris
boasted jazz cartes
hotels were booming
and the big bands came
dancing and bopping
to a large crowds acclaim
it was joyous ruckus
an arrangers dream
opening the doors
to eclectic themes
DeaBeaPea 7-4-18
Jazz Part 2
The Ellingtonians brought the sound
Of jungle music and cat growls
Mulatto dancing girls
As the Cotton Clubbers howl
Chick went up with Benny
And his wild drums won out
A legendary contest
Called the big band shout
All through this history
The Hawk was always blowin’
From the Cotton Pickers to bebop
Certainly ever knowin’
The Ellingtonians brought the sound
Of jungle music and cat growls
Mulatto dancing girls
As the Cotton Clubbers howl
Sophistication a shadow
of Harlem’s real people
disguising all reality
with white man’s wealthy steeple
Onyx Club, Three Deuces, the Famous Door
The clubs were really bouncin’
and sometimes the bands did battle
one for a bash and trouncin’
Café Society was born
With Hammond’s kindly hand
As everyone joined together
In integrations hopeful land
Strange Fruit was there to grow
With a dirge of eerie glow
Lady Day and her gardenia
Shone in graceful flow
Billy Eckstine crooned
As the band soon rose to fame
A congregation of giants
Who played a brand new game
Blakey, Vaughan and Dizzy
Blazing a whole new path
Soon it was to be bebop
A joyous form of wrath
Ornithology became to topic
That everybody studied
As a new guy called Bird
As all old thought was muddied
The big band era continued
But many were drifting away
Basie and Kenton kept rolling
With various techniques to display
One was eclectic and minor
The other a bluesy swing
There seemed to be room for all
In this syncopated fling
The band that played the blues
Woody Herman’s vision
The four brothers played their theme
And Burns his autumn prevision
DeaBeePea 7-5-18
Friends
friends are a miracle
they are always there
they put up with me
and my naughty glare
they laugh at me
and ask me to laugh too
it brings me joy
with a contented coo
it gives me hope
that all is not bad
in this crazy world
where so many are sad
they help me see
all that is grand
and do things for me
that help me stand
I am not sure
who I am
but they tell me a story
of my wonderful lam
an escape from doubt
and silly fears
I join their hands
with mighty cheers
I love you all
I am so lucky
and if we meet soon
that will just ducky!!
DeaBeePea 7-4-18
OFF MY ASS
it's time to move
I'm writing too much
my mind is dancing
and beginning clutch
and I'm skidding
as if out of gear
don't get me wrong
I know how to steer
but my destinations
keep getting confused
and my emotions are intertwined
and becoming fused
and if I keep going
I might say something dumb
or hurtful and mean
with my accidental thumb
banging on the keyboard
at a crazy pace
not even thinking
which is a bit of a disgrace
but poetry enters me
without any warning
and it spews out like syrup
in its magical aborning
it's a spiritual birth
without any pain
although sometimes realization
leaves a stain
and here I am writing
about doing something other
but I can't seem to stop
this is nuts, oh brother
some will question my sanity
that's totally okay
it doesn't matter to me
my feet are on clay
I can dance and slide
and change to new decades
and some far back
with jazzy parades
I can sit and rotate
I've been told that before
or go to sleep
but that's an awful bore
unless I dream
something really erotic
but we won't discuss that
it might get chaotic
but as I started to say
with my typical class
I have things to do
and must get off my ass
DeaBeePea 7-3-18
Changing Altitudes and Attitudes
I simply don't know
the waves are larger
perceptions are wide
and it's a slippery slide
the widening vision
and steepest cliffs
come and go
with flashing glow
darkness and light
in a flickering show
my eyes can't adjust
my traditions turn to dust
so I turn to imagination
a reliable old friend
but much more useful now
without my former bow
the ego has slowed
but of course, there's still a twinkle
I am a man
not quite an also-ran
because I have new angles
less severe
with more acceptance
and expanded admittance
when the oxygen is low
I'm an underdog I know
but the view from the bleachers
has its many teachers
I am not a climber
or a tundra hiker
nor am a hero
in my bouncing zero
the ball that follows the words
as the band plays on
we all sing together
in our rollicking blether
the universe is large
as so is my world
but my friends are all here
and that makes me cheer
DeaBeePea 7-3-18
HAPPINESS
the simplest essay?
but there is no answer
or formula to depict
this fanciful play
it's been a project
all my life
and many have known me
my life not so flecked
and that is sad
because I had it in me
I just didn't know how
to deal with mad
I laughed a lot
but some of it was teasing
seeing myself
as a rather strange blot
not distinct or floral
or indicative of thought
what the heck was I
in this invisible quarrel
but God looked down
and said be patient
live and learn
and straighten that frown
some day he said
you will laugh from the heart
not from the mind
with its swallow thread
I have no date
or time exactly
when this thing took place
during my ignorant wait
maybe it's as simple
as asking for it
tired of the option
and it's seething pimple
there is a calmness and ease
and occasionally it fools me
because I expect an explosion
and all I get is a breeze
so who knows
what is going on?
but it doesn't matter
that's just the way it goes
DeaBeePea 7-3-18
Suddenly Grandkids
a short time ago
nothing in sight
maybe it was me
in my aimless flight
and my kids didn't seem
to have a direction
well, some vague ideas
with silent inflection
little talk about
things of family way
more financial issues
that come frequently at play
and this and that
of annoying texture
that rubbed me the wrong way too
wanting me to lecture
but the times have changed
one is already
and two more on the way
leaving me unsteady
how did it happen?
what a stupid question you say
and yes, I see your point
but there is more at play
it's the magical reality
of this amazing miracle
and the swirling emotions
and passions so spherical
words mean little
it's that silent hand
with the sparkling wand
sprinkling white sand
generations will flow
with a mighty oceans wave
coating us with salt
in our stratospheric cave
innocent and small
we see this bundle grow
immersed in our lives
that are no longer slow
the escalating times
tell us to feel
every special moment
as our hearts begin to heal
it's not about easy
or challenges and tasks
its tears and laughter
and the change in your mask
DeaBeePea 7-3-18
Continuance
I was born
Not news
But I had no idea
What to do
I gobbled and gurgled
Trying to talk
It was a matter of time
Before I knew
That people were funny
And hard to know
And I started to get
Nervous in my cries
I looked around
I could hear the laughter
Did I have elephant ears
Or purple eyes?
I walked to school
In frightening fear
My pants were down
In a life-like dream
My fingers caught
In the big school door
The pain was fierce
My tears in a stream
A class clown I became
And an admirer of Letharios
Not knowing my place
in my social chagrin
but as my world
began to expand
I saw the horizons
And where to begin
An academic challenge
To figure things out
Combining music
And political thought
Education a pause
As much as a project
As I started to meet
The me that I sought
But the trail spiraled
And love compounded
A noteworthy journey
A multi-directional spree
Rewards and passions
Tears and sadness
No badge to wear
Or future to see
Cloudy and doubtful
But prayer and hope
Carried me through
To perseverance’s place
Now there’s celebration
And look-back shadows
And joy springs loose
As I show my face
Much less fear
And serene acceptance
What did I do
To end up here?
Very little in retrospect
As I ponder now
Except finding myself
And a few reasons to cheer
DeaBeePea 6-26-18
Thinking You Know
I knew what she said
at least I thought so
I know she's going to say
that I just don't listen instead
well, she has a point
at least some of the time
but I was sure she said it
it wasn't just a mime
she described it thoroughly
I heard the words
so unless I'm deaf
I'm not for the birds
But if I open my mouth
and ask what happened
and she says nothing
then it's all abandoned
I'll have mud on my face
and she'll be mad
for my nonchalance
and my memory bad
I still think I'm innocent
but I'm a man
and she's a woman
so I'm in the can
I'll never escape
this male vice
that keeps me pressed
and ready to slice
so I'll do my best
and stumble along
and even though she denies it
I think she's wrong
DeaBeePea 7-8-18
Mess
My place is a mess
but it's a choice
if I was really fussy
I'd have a new voice
But I know where things are
conveniently located
and I clean up enough
that landslides are abated
paper seems to grow
I don't know its reproductive history
and pens disappear
it's a real mystery
and eveywhere I turn
is a dirty dish
and a sharp utensil
that just went whish
under a chair
or immovable table
along with a loonie
caught under a cable
and my library card
left in a book
that is buried alive
in an inaccessible crook
and socks are lying
under the bed
happy in the shade
and a long way from dead
just a bit musty
could I wear them once more?
but if I did that
there'd be much more in store
so I guess the solution
is just to clean up
and sacrifice a day
of superfluous play
at least that way
I can have someone over
and go in the backyard
and pick out a clover
DeaBeePea 7-8-18
Meditation
I thought about it
thinking
and the idea
of not blinking
silence
listening to bugs
looking down
staring at rugs
the back of my hands
kind of weird
and asking
should I grow a beard
no
no thinking allowed
keep that vacuum
and that invisible cloud
should I keep trying?
does it work
or is it just play
with very few perks
wasting time
is not unknown
I do it often
as time is blown
so I guess I won't worry
I'll just journey on
with serenity
and a taunting yawn
DeaBeePea 7-9-18